“The most violent thing is what we do to ourselves when we hide who we really are.”
Just when I thought it was safe to go out..
After coming to the realization that things are not what they seem, I realize I’m part of that equation. Giving in to who you really are is a battle that is waged by one. You.
The part of me that fights for normalcy uses its weapons to suppress. It is a well organized army. Its supply line, fed by societal influences and human dogma, is a well oiled machine. Experienced in its task and rarely changing.
The inner army is crafty. Guerilla like in its tactics and ready to spring to the front at any moment. It uses emotion and imagination to coerce the mind I to thinking that it can conquer Goliath.
This shit sucks…..
The battles fought are not simple. The ones won by the big army keep you feeling safe. They give a feeling that this is the way it should be, no matter what that guerilla band of fighters says. Until they strike the engine is purring. But when they do, all hell breaks loose. You start feeling uncomfortable, things look different, you get ideas and different points of view.
I know where I want to spend my time but I don’t always have the courage to fight the uphill battle, even though I would rather have the scars of being who I am, then the non callus hands of living the life of a lie. I’m aware of the sacrifice that must be made in this battle but carrying the weight of satisfaction will slowly kill you in a life already short.
So those short periods of times when one creates a work, is the time where both armies work towards a common goal. The brevity of these times allows me to let loose from the struggle. You are free to be as you want. Or at least feel you are.
Should I fight on the side I believe or the side that has the best odds?
Weight weight, don’t tell me.